The following is a guide to help you determine if your mate is cheating on you. After reading this list you may find there is some area of concern. Do not confront the cheater. This will only cause them to clean up their act and make it more difficult for you to catch them. You may not have enough proof to make your case.
During the holidays your mate may become more irritable if pressure from the person he/she is seeing may intensify. If the other person is also married, your spouse may be more attentive as the chances are slim contact will be attempted. Be alert and follow your gut without confronting your mate. Remember, if you confront your spouse, they may stop seeing the other person long enough for you to trust them again. More times than not, the affair does not end or another one starts up.
Make sure you monitor the bank accounts and charge cards and document any suspicious activity during and after the holidays as there may be two of the same gifts bought or charges from a store you did not receive gifts from. Be sure to check statements through April as many have deferments on purchases!
- At the beginning of an affair the mate that is cheating is more attentive to his spouse. This is due to guilt that the cheater may be feeling at the time.
- After the affair has been going on for a while the person cheating seems to find fault with the person he/she may be living with to try to justify the affair in their mind.
- Cheating spouses may lose attention in the activities in the home. They don’t show interest in the livelihood of you or the children that live in the home. Nor do they have any desires to do any fix-ups to the home (i.e. lawn care, house repairs, etc…..)
- Intuition (gut feeling) that something is not right usually is a sign you may have a cheating problem “when in doubt check them out”.
- Cheaters may have a change in sex life (i.e. more sex, less sex) as well as unexplained sexual requests.
- The cheater has a definite change in attitude towards everyone in the home, especially the mate (i.e. if he/she didn’t act the way they do, well then maybe I wouldn’t be doing the things I do).
- Another sign is the Finances. “If someone wants to play they have to pay” therefore keeping an eye on their monies (i.e. check stubs, bank account balances, credit card bills, etc…) would tell you whether their spending more money than usual. Check for any mail from banks you are not familiar with, often times there are additional bank accounts and credit cards you are unaware of.
- Grooming habits will change. Cheaters will be more attentive to their person (i.e., the way they dress, new clothing or under garments, frequent bathing, physical fitness, grooming of their hair, switching of colognes, etc…).
- Physical signs to look for to determine whether or not someone is having an affair is lipstick on the collar, odors of cologne/perfume on a shirt/blouse, checking underwear for secretion stains. You can also check their wallets and/or the glove compartments of their car to see if they left receipts, pieces of paper with phone numbers, addresses, condoms, etc. If you find something, start a file, do not confront your spouse.
- You may want to monitor your spouse for two weeks. During this time keep track of the mileage on their car. Monitor the time they leave for work and the time they come home. Keep a calendar and note the times, this should help you establish a pattern. If your mate claims to be working late, check paycheck stubs to verify this overtime or credit card statements for any dining on late nights. Also check for any ATM activity and check the locations and times on the receipt.
- Be tuned in to home telephone calls when your mate has a tendency to whisper or gives a quick answer and immediately hangs up or when you answer the telephone and get an abrupt hang up.
- Many cheaters use cellular telephones to communicate with their lovers. Should your mate have a cellular telephone you may want to get a detailed billing of the calls made from the cellular phone to determine whether a certain number has been frequently called. A good area to start looking is for the first number called when your mate first leaves for work and the same number called again right before they return home.
- Female cheaters are more discreet in the selection of a lover. This is most likely because of their concern of Sexually Transmitted Disease’s (STD’s). Most females are looking for a longer lasting relationship rather than a “one night stand”. In past years men were the aggressors, in society today, with the increase of women in the work force, women have become equally aggressive and some do look for “Just a Friend” as they will call him.
- When a female is having an affair she tends to have more of a “glow” about her. She may also become easily irritated with her spouse and children a lot more than usual. She may take walks or exercise when she did not before and always has her cell phone on her person talking on the walks or runs. She may have to make trips to the store alone more to talk privately when she did not do this before.
- If in the work field, work will all of a sudden become more important and will have to work more often and stay out late nights or over night trips may happen more frequently.
If you suspect your spouse or mate is cheating, you will need proof. Don’t try to be your own investigator! Do not follow them. When you have some evidence, keep a journal, take photos of receipts and document anything out of the norm. Then hire a PI to obtain the physical evidence to take to your attorney. There has to be more evidence than what you have or just a dinner out. This often requires investigative techniques that you are not licensed to accomplish. Video must be obtained over a period of time to determine if there is an affair taking place. The identity of the other person must be positively established to determine if there are grounds for Alienation of Affection.
In any situation involving domestic matters-keep your children safe.
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